Goodbye 2015, Hello 2016!

In 2015, I learnt a lot.

And much like all the other years of my life, I loved and I lost, I laughed and cried.

I learnt that I still have a lot to learn in being a better friend, and that I truly still don't know what I really want in life, and I am okay with that. There's still tons of exploring to do. I just know that I want to spend more of my days laughing instead of worrying/thinking too much as I so often do.

I know that I want to travel around the world, I know that I want to be a really successful wedding planner. I also know that none of these matter if my loved ones around me can't be a part of it or if they're down.

I learnt that even if someone loves you, that love doesn't always help you and can sometimes hurt you. And that sometimes, you don't really have a choice but to make that choice to take those lessons and those memories with you, and move on.

I learnt that sometimes people can change, too. I reconnected with some friends I lost, and I'm thankful for it because I didn't realize just how much I missed having them around. And we still laugh as much together as we used to. You know who you are.

I learnt to let go, knowing that if it's meant to be, it'll always be.

"Although this year has been tough, I also know that this year's struggle and pain will turn into strength and wisdom for the years to come. I have learned that some people are meant to be temporary, that a short-lived relationship with them can sometimes be the most beautiful. That we should cherish every other human being, listen to them, learn from them, teach them, and love all of them, no matter what.

I have learned that losing yourself is not always terrible, that sometimes you have to experience being at your lowest to want to crawl back up to your highest. I have learned who I want to be again, having been a person whom I do not. I want to say Thank you to those who have loved me this year through my worst, knowing what I am capable of at my best. Thank you to my family and The NiggAPACHE for never giving up on me, and once again proving to be my truest friends. You are all beautiful. This is not a New Years resolution, this is a promise to myself to never stop loving y'all again. This is a promise to myself to never stop loving me again.

With all these being said,

Before I start with anything, I want to say that I am truly happy in 2016, I am blogging. It's January 4th and my blog name and URL itself has changed and to me this small change matters so much. My URL is none other than, http://missniggapache.blogspot.sg/

This name or title was given to me by the guys after TNPNF 2014 finals. Even for my NiggAPACHE group tee, the front has a sash that says that. The NiggAPACHE is what I truly hold so dear to me and it's an amazing feeling blogging under that name. 

Instead of having my header as Young, Wild & Free. I changed it to:

Adventures Of Hana

Live, Laugh, Love

This change is also significant as I can finally talk about all my life experiences, outings, trips, journeys. They are practically my very own adventures. As for the young, wild and free being changed to live, laugh, love is because I felt this was more me, the new me, who I want to be, how I want to be and how I aspire being. 

I do not want to just survive, I want to live. I do not just want to have good times and be happy, I want to laugh and genuinely be in the moment. Lastly, I want to love so hard. I want to fall in love and have a messed up version of my own fairytale. At the same time, I want to love my dear ones in a way they should be loved. They deserve so much and I'm gonna love the hell outta them hehe!

Well okay, let me start my recount of what happened on New Years Eve all the way up till now. 

LEGGO!

31.December.2015, work was THE BOMB! I reached office at 10:30am and left at 11:20am. T'was a great day haha!

Lynnette wanted to shop at Cotton On so why not? Plus, look at all these amazing colors, teal & turquoise! Aaaahhhhh they're so PRUDDY!!!

I HAD to make her take a tourist shot! Hahaha

After Cotton On, it was a huge lunch fiesta. Lynnette and I had a HUMONGOUS stack of Foodfare vouchers to clear and it was the last day. Also, thank god it was half day. I called Dalan to join us and it was huge as others like Fluffy, Nisa and even Faz joined us. I had Spanish Paella while the rest had Japanese food. We still have vouchers so we all got drinks and even toasts. 

It was time to mess around at Daiso for a bit before we headed back. 

Maami is still at the hospital so I went over to visit. Later on Mama, Zizi & Raihan all came and apparently everybody decided to have Starbucks. Mama bought me the holiday special which was the Peppermin Mocha. It was so nice but a lil too minty for my liking. Raihan & I shared the super delicious cakes as shown in the pic below.

I was carrying around the suitcase box Vinod got me from Sweden. I can't help it! I am in LOVE with that box! Yeap, it even came with me to the hospital. Mama had a good time reminiscing the days she carried a suitcase box like that back when she was in primary school.

I was not in a super celebratory mood and was glad the guys were taking it easy this year. I went back and messed around with my LED Gloves.

From a flower crown wearin tryna-be-a-princess to a Jamaican gal

Tried to take a picture with my hair looking like Princess Leia from Star Wars...

Failed Terribly hahah

We ended up at the roof and since it was raining non stop, we had to take it one level down.

Dalan was telling so many of his NS stories and the guys were talking about their New Years Resolutions. One point of time I was bored so I took ice cubes (Thanks Dalan for the Magnum Mini White btw) that Dalan bought, broke them into smaller pieces and since Aideel was sitting cross legged, I started throwing them inside.

Who knew it would eventually lead to a game of aiming ice and hitting a can! These guys are the cutest!

Mama also sent me a video. I am glad my cousins all loved the LED gloves especially the lil ones. Glad you liked it Zara!

The only setback for New Years was me. As mentioned in my previous post with the whole depression thing. As you know, I've decided to stop taking the medications FOR GOOD. I do not want to rely on them anymore. But here's the thing, at the most random time, you can have a sudden mental breakdown. 

When I was with the guys, I was nothing but happy and relaxed. God knows what took over me and I was fighting the urge to just burst out crying and screaming. That was why I just kept quiet and was fighting. I am so sorry if I ruined anyone's New Year and I really didn't mean to. I just got off the pill and I know it will take a while. I just did not expect it to be this hard and things like these happening and the most random times. 

Well, one of these days, I'll have quite a bit to say to you guys and maybe, just maybe, y'all can understand me better? You know what they say. Women are complex. Well, I'm not trying to be. To me, you guys are practically family and I would want you all to know. Thank you for not getting mad or upset at me for being a lil party pooper, just seated and silent. Believe me when I say, I sure as hell did try. 

I have to find a way to counter this condition better and I am sure in time to come, it'll be all better, for good. Till then, bear with me a little. :')

Other then that, New Years went pretty okay. 

HAPPY 2016 to all you people out there!

2.January.2016

I went to get my hair rebonded all the way at Tampines. The guys went for a Star Wars thingy (Sorry I forgot the name) at Changi and I was here. Rotting for 5 hours but hey at least I got the rebonding done so yay!!!

The NiggAPACHE's conquest that day was to take over Adam's Road. The guys reached waaaaayyyyy before me and had 4 rounds of fun! 

But still, awwwww! Thanks for waiting up for me to start the main food! 

Love you guys to the moon and beyond! I honestly wished that the rest who didn't come, could have made it. It would have felt complete. But, nonetheless, it was still a HUGE BALL OF FUN!

They had to get Roti John and looked at it as if

 their wife just gave birth to their first new born

I came when Round 5 started and I stole a piece of Satay hehehe

Boo! Bello!!!!

Let the Teh Tarik continue!

We all purchased the $6 heavenly Mee Goreng Combo!!!! It came with Cheese Fries and even mutton chop! Aideel & Suraj ordered Nasi Goreng.

Other than Teh Tarik being our bae, there's Milo Dinosaur!!!

I LOVE YOU SARA FOR LETTIN ME STEAL YOURS!

When you have a distracted friend, even after his drink arrives, you take the cup, take a huge sip, go all "MMMMMMMMMMM", eat the milo powder and give him your most satisfied smile when you hear him go " EH EH EH! MY DRINK!" 

That's when you tell him, "YA! TRY IT! IT'S SUPER GOOD!" And laugh when he gives you the face which screams "You think?! Why'd you think I buy it in the first place?!"

HAHAHA

It was a cold cold night and we were 7 pregnant people. And, I am..

BATGIRL

The only guy who'll even make a polka dot umbrella look badass!

Dalan won't stop showing off that his phone has excellent camera. So he won't stop at the bubble pics but also the panaromic shots. And Sara has to be in EVERY shot (Even if it's multiple shots). His stage Don is being unleashed!

That was it. 

6 bucks of WORTHY TASTY Food. 

7 People.

8 Rounds.

3.January.2016.Went back to SGH to see Maami. Good to know she's doing better. Happy that she's sleeping well. Unhappy that she's still there! I want her to be discharged, all happy, all better. All fine! Get well soon! I am sure you will!

Ended up wearing this to the hospital

I  had spare time. I rebonded my hair and did not want to wet it while washing my face. I was finding for a shower cap when I found some temporary tattoos I bought in lower secondary. Yup, they're from Loooooooonnnnnggggggg ago. Well, for the fun of it, I decided to kill time while waiting for Zizi to pick me up. 

I felt all bad-assy! huehuehue

At the hospital, I ended up eating some super bland food with hot milo. What can I do? When it is the time of the month, you gotta make sure something warm is going in you to easen up the pain from the cramps. :'(

Hahaha, and was creepily taking a picture of this while eating.

Starbucks is DELICIOUS! But also superb pricey. Who knows? One day I'll make so much money, Starbucks feels like 50 cents to me. I guess even then, I would not buy so much from here. Money plus never really a caffeine kinda girl and I intend to keep it that way. :)

4 January 2016. I am here back at the office. But what I am doing? Blogging of course! Yup guys, 2 more months here.

I will have to be using my time wisely haha

By this, I mean to:

1. Do up my IIP Final Report

2. Apply & Secure a job at a wedding company

3. Blog as and when I can

4. Go back to gymming with Farah and get all toned

5. Appreciate lunch times more hehe

6. Spend time with my loved ones as much as I can

7. Have some me time and catch up on One Tree Hill

8. Go back to reading. Gosh! I miss that so much that I'm heading over to the library later

9. Save up money for the future....my wedding (Don't judge) and for things that may be happening at the end of this year (*Fingers Kept Crossed*)

10. Enjoy my time as an intern and as a Poly Student while I still can.

I really want to travel some place this year. Somewhere I've never been to like maybe even India and of course one familiar place I have in mind.

We live in a concrete jungle so it's tough to get away from the hustle and bustle of our urban lifestyle. I guess that's the reason why I love being in Bali so much- serenity is found in almost every corner of the island. I've visited Bali once and I still foresee myself heading back again. There's something special about that place. Be it the warm genuine smiles from the locals, or the tantalizing and flavorful local delights, or the breathtaking view of the beaches, Bali will always be close to my heart.

 Yikes! In exactly 14 days, I will be turning 20. I am feeling a little lost. I guess that's kinda what turning 20 is about? It's that age where you feel lost all a sudden at what to do. I want to embrace turning another year older. At the same time, you want to have it really mellow. I guess it's that age where you want to just sit down and have a good talk and share laughter with family and friends. 

Imagine a campfire / bonfire. It's dark, the main light comes from the fire. You are seated in a circle with your loved ones. The air is cold and it's a little windy. You snuggle all close together under a blankey. You can be heating marshmallows on sticks or just drinking a can of your fav drink. You are all exchanging stories and talking about meaningful, something random, something special. Talking about your past, future, and being in that moment. You get that cozy, warm and fuzzy feel in your heart and body. 

That cozy feel where you feel "I'm home", well yea. That's exactly how I feel turning 20 is. Just wanting simplicity and togetherness. Not sure how many 20 year olds out there would want this. But I wanna scream "GGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!! Ouh NO!!!!! I'm 20!!!!"

And then be all "mmmmmm, I'm 20!"

It's totally mixed feelings. Well, I've got slightly less than 2 weeks to enjoy being 19. The best way to feel young, is to not fret about getting older. After all, the ones close to me will know that I, Farhana Mazlan will always have that 4 year old inner kid in me who's secretly a Disney Princess. Hehe

Till next time, 

My beautiful people

xoxo

Farhana Mazlan