Identity Crisis

Okay. So lately, I have been rather... lost.

As you all can read from this post's title, Im not very sure of who I am.

One moment Farhana loves pink, the next moment she's dressing all swag, and the next moment she's in ripped shorts and boots. SO WHAT'S UP??? (I know... you probably heard me say this in the past as well. But this time, its a little more serious)

Well, its more then just finding my image. Honestly, being in my shoes, in this industry with people constantly watching you and telling you what to do and what to change, it's hard. What's even harder then that is staying relevant and ensuring that I am still who I am 5 years down the road. 

I asked myself... "who am I?"... You see, I started out as a model, tried to do a little bit of professional Commercial Modelling and now blogging..?I am upset that I hardly do any professional shoots now. So what does that make me?? If I were to ask my friends and family what they think I am, what would their reply be? What would YOUR reply be?

I am going to be really frank in this post. 

I am curious. Why do you read my blog anyway? I mean, I appreciate all my readers. And without a doubt, I love you guys. But.... what about me do you like? What about my posts that you like? There are TONS of bloggers out there in today's society and many more trying to be one. Honestly, I feel that almost everyone is talking about the SAME thing. Everyone does the same sorta make-up tutorials, the same challenges on Youtube, and some even look alike! I am no different. Which is kinda making me feel really lost.... I am starting to feel that maybe, Im not as special as I always thought I was...

While I was trying to figure that out, some thing happened yesterday that taught me a life lesson. Well, it was kinda like a reminded of what struck in my head when Tyra Banks said something on her show a few years back. The quote "....if you feel uncomfortable wearing something, then get back in and change or you're gonna feel uncomfortable the whole day... which will affect your confidence..." I couldn't agree more.

You see, I wore a blue dress with a orange belt over, had my "fringe" pinned up to mimic a doll-like look. On my feet, I wore my usual sneakers while I clutched onto my "Furla" bag. (its not a real Furla btw)That initial appearance screams "GIRLY!!!". Yes, at times I may be a super girly, prim and proper girl, but lately, I just ain't feeling it. It's just NOT ME. I want to wear caps and sneakers and denim shorts more then ever. But because of my "identity crisis issue", I tried once more going out looking like some rich girl. Which didn't work out. Which.. left me to feel really insecure and LOST once again.

I spent the next hour finding a whole new outfit because I just felt too insecure dressed like someone else. I was desperately in need of something that could make me feel confident again. Something which may not necessarily be me, but at least I would feel happy in it. I mean, I could be dressed in a totally different style everyday but as long as I feel happy and confident about it, it would beat wearing that blue dress any day. Right? (I hope Im still making sense)

And I guess I was right. "Never let anyone's words doubt yourself... at the end of the day, those who love you will accept who you are even if it's a 360degree change. Just be true to yourself, because that's the most genuine side of you(:....."

I guess as long as I am still who I have always been from the beginning of this entire roller coaster career, I will be fine. You know, no matter what I do or how I talk or how I dress, if I am still the same person personally, there isn't gonna be any issues about my identity after all.. And maybe... that's what I've always loved about myself. That, in every new task I undertake, I make sure that I try to stay true to myself, yet do it to the best of my abilities. And I hope that that will be something that will stay with me 5 years down the road.... 

Most importantly, I will NEVER leave the house feeling uncomfortable ever again. At least the money spent on my impulse buys could have gone into other more worthwhile expenditures. 

I am someone who really likes fashion, in fact, I love it a lot. I do try to look my best everytime of everyday. I know I was going to meet Sakthiish. I could've worn something pretty but he's seen me in everything (moreover we have our outfit rule which is going to die off pretty soon) so I ended up wearing a Real Madrid Jersey, and my light blue ripped off jeans shorts. I felt comfortable and it was my dress down day.

Today, I'm using my doughnut crop top that I bought in my bugis shopping spree along with my blue skater skirt and blue sneakers. 

The type of fashion that I like and usually wear is girly and a bit of skater sometimes. I love dresses, sometimes I love simple yet chic and feminine tops with hot shorts, ribbons (I'm using a blue ribbon clip today), kitten hairbands and flower headcrowns. Along with it, I like to style it up really hip hop with my SnapBacks. HAHA

I don't have a sense of style fully..well..I just do me. To be blatantly honest..That's exactly what I do. I don't dress like another person, I just do me, Farhana Mazlan.

My OOTD 

Totes need to rebond my hair ASAP!!!

Ouhk, will blog tomorrow.  I've got 2 days to clean my room..and yeap starting abs challenge again..along with squat challenge.

xoxo